A Sight to Behold
by fireflower314
Summary: Now that Tammy's home, she and Jonathan are supposed to live happily ever after. Instead, a year later he turns up at Lizzie's door.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer:** I have no part in Guiding Light, no share in the ownership of these characters, etc. This is written purely for fun, no profiting involved. Don't sue, please?  
**Background:** A week or two before Jonathan and Lizzie attempted to get married, there was a rumor going around that Tammy was actually alive and she and Bill would disrupt the wedding. Didn't happen, obviously, but I thought it would be interesting to write a story that started out with that happening and ended up with Lizzie and Jonathan together.  
**Pairings:** Jizzie; past Bizzie and Jammy; Remy/Lizzie, hints at Remy/Marina

* * *

A Sight to Behold

_Prologue_

_(February 2008)_

Jonathan and Lizzie are getting married.

It's not as great as it sounds. The ceremony is being held in a bar, Billy's not in the audience, she has no one to walk her down the aisle, she certainly doesn't have a proper wedding dress, and, to top it all off, they're still not getting married out of love. It's still to protect Sarah. And this time they're both on the same page about that- Lizzie cares about Jonathan, and she always will, but one near-strangulation and two faked deaths later she's certainly not in love with him.

For the thousandth time that day, Bill Lewis's face crosses her mind. She knows she needs to make her family her first priority, and she will, but the selfish, needy rich girl who will never quite go away can't help wishing that Bill will show up and maybe _finally_ tell her how he feels about her, and mean it. She won't do anything about it, she can't, but… at least she'll know.

She looks sideways at Jonathan, who's holding Sarah and listening to Josh speak. She can't really focus on the minister's words, not when she's thinking about Bill and Alan and leaving Springfield. Living with Jonathan and Sarah used to be her dream, but a loveless marriage spent on the run is not what she wants.

He still loves Tammy, and no one can change that.

Lizzie gets it; she really does. She remembers her love for Coop, how it felt knowing that someone could see through the crazy, selfish brat everyone thought she was to the broken little girl underneath; not only see through it, in fact, but think she was worth loving and saving. Her breakup with Coop couldn't have been much worse, but part of her will always love him for everything he did for her. Jonathan and Tammy, on the other hand, had just gotten married when she died, and how can anyone compete with such a perfect memory?

_It doesn't matter,_ she reminds herself, and means it. _We can do this. We have to. For Sarah._ She wouldn't be surprised if someone told her that they heard her say those last two words in her sleep. She certainly says, and hears, them often enough when she's awake.

Jonathan looks down at her, offers her a small smile. She matches it. He reaches out with his free hand, taking her own small one, and something inside her relaxes. As forced marriages go, she could do worse. Jonathan's list of faults and misdeeds is miles long, but he's a great father and he and Lizzie understand each other and make a great team when they have to. This will give them another chance to prove that.

_It'll be okay,_ she tells herself, and tries not to think of lost chances or Bill's kisses or Billy's disappointed eyes.

"Does anyone have any reason these two should not be wed? Speak now or forever hold your peace." Josh's offer draws her attention back to the ceremony. There's a near-smirk on the minister's face that Lizzie knows is matched by nearly everyone in the room. There are so many reasons to object that it's not even funny, and Lizzie knows that keeping quiet is absolutely _killing_ Reva and Beth. But she also knows that no one will say a word. They've dealt with Alan for longer than Lizzie and Jonathan have, know perfectly well what he's capable of. Many of them attended Tammy's memorial- so recently, but it seems like such a long time ago. They care about Sarah's well-being, too, and have resigned themselves to trusting Lizzie and Jonathan on this. And that in and of itself is a minor miracle.

So everyone holds their peace, and Josh is about to speak again when the door to the bar opens and there's a babble of excited voices at the back. Lizzie turns, feels Jonathan's hand tighten on hers- and then they both let go entirely when they see who it is.

Bill rushes in first. "Stop, stop!" he yells. His words are for everyone, but his frantic blue eyes are focused solely on her.

His protest would be a futile effort if it wasn't for who had rushed in alongside him. Who they're all gaping at.

"Stop," Tammy repeats, voice quiet but carrying in the otherwise silent room. She's staring at Jonathan.

Lizzie hears Jonathan draw in a sharp breath. She herself can do nothing but gape.

_Tammy's alive_.

And, just like that, everything changed.


	2. Part One

**Disclaimer:** I have no part in Guiding Light, no share in the ownership of these characters, etc. This is written purely for fun, no profiting involved. Don't sue, please?

* * *

Part One: All Our Past Loves

_March 2009_

Lizzie smoothes a hand over Sarah's hair before finally leaving the room, but stops at the door to take one last look at the sleeping toddler. She and Jonathan have been sharing custody of her for just over a year now, but every once in awhile it still hits her all over again how lucky she is to have her daughter back.

Jonathan will be back to get her in two days, and then Sarah will be with him and Tammy for the next month. Lizzie can visit whenever she wants, just like Jonathan can always visit during the months that Lizzie has her, but nothing changes the fact that she and Sarah will be an hour apart for thirty days and Lizzie will once again only have Roxy to come home to.

Before this, at least she had had Bill. But Bill had moved out a few days before Sarah's visit, claiming that their relationship was too serious. Sarah's presence had helped Lizzie get through the breakup so far, but she's not sure what she'll do without her.

_If so much else had changed, you'd think I could've at least learned how to handle being alone,_ she thinks wryly as she walks back downstairs to the first floor of her cozy townhouse. At least it's not like two years ago, when she been so close to completely breaking down. She had made it through that basically alone. Now, at least her family's learned to be supportive, and she has a job and some friends, and she can call Sarah and Jonathan and Tammy whenever she wants instead of visiting their graves and carrying around an endless supply of guilt and grief. A breakup is something she can get past. She has a chance now; she has time, not regrets.

Lizzie flops down on the sofa and starts flipping through TV channels. She should probably go to bed, but she feels too restless to sleep. Or at least she thought she did- once she sinks amongst the overstuffed cushions she immediately relaxes, and before long she's dozed off, the remote resting on her stomach and some ridiculous reality show airing on the TV.

Awhile later she wakes abruptly, rubbing her eyes and feeling a bit disoriented. Then she hears a knock on the door and realizes that that must have been what awakened her.

Her eyes dart to the clock. _Who would be visiting at midnight?_ She immediately panics, then frowns. "Come on, Lizzie, robbers and serial killers don't knock on the door," she mutters. Even so, she picks up the baseball bat she keeps hidden behind the couch before she goes to the door.

One look through the peephole has her rolling her eyes and tossing the bat aside before opening the door. "What are you doing here, Jonathan?" she asks irritably. "Do you know what time it is?"

"Yeah, sorry. Look, can I come on?" It's his stoic voice, the one he uses when he just wants to get through the next few minutes without falling apart. "I tried Reva's but she wasn't there, and this is the only other place I could think of."

She hesitates, studying him closely. Why would he be in Springfield now? Why would he need somewhere to go? "Jonathan?" she asks quietly.

He hadn't been looking at her at all, but when she says his name he finally glances up from the doorbell to meet her gaze. His eyes are filling with tears. "Tammy and I split up," he manages to say.

Lizzie stares. "Come on in," she finally says, for lack of any better words. He nods and moves past her. She shuts the door, then follows him into the kitchen, wondering if she's still asleep after all. Nothing about this seems real.

* * *

She lets Jonathan spend the night on the couch, listens to his assurances that he'll get a room at the Beacon the next day. But in the morning he and Sarah are so happy to be reunited, and Lizzie finds herself thinking about how having Sarah with her helped her get through her own breakup.

"You don't have to go anywhere," she tells Jonathan after breakfast, before she leaves for work. Startled, he stops tickling Sarah and looks up at Lizzie. "As long as you don't mind being on the couch, I mean."

"I don't mind," he manages to say, staring at her. "Are you sure you want me around?"

"It's fine. This way you won't have to spend money on a hotel room, and you'll be all ready to take Sarah back with you when you and Tammy-"

"I don't think that's going to happen," he interrupts her sharply.

Lizzie wants to argue. After all, if any couple's meant to be together forever, it's Jonathan and Tammy. But she doesn't have time to discuss it, so she stops herself. It can be one more thing for them to deal with later.

* * *

The first chance they get to really sit down and talk about everything comes two days later. Jonathan had driven off that morning, back to the apartment he and Tammy shared so that he could get his belongings. His late arrival that night is like déjà vu, except this time Lizzie's ready and waiting for him on the porch instead of asleep and unaware on the couch.

He gets out of his car and takes a bulky cardboard box out of the backseat, carrying it to the house. "Are you crazy? What are you doing out here?" he demands. "You're going to freeze."

"I noticed," she says witheringly. She's the one who's been huddling miserably in her stylish but not quite warm enough purple coat for the last half hour, after all. "I'm waiting for you. What else would I be doing?"

"You could do that inside, you know." He puts the box down on the sidewalk and sits down next to her. "Here." He pulls off his leather jacket and drapes it over her shoulders. She can't help drawing it close to her. Something about wearing it has always made her feel safe. Maybe because it almost symbolizes Jonathan, and he can make her feel more protected than anyone ever has. Strange, considering how much physical and emotional pain they've put each other through; but then, not much in her life- or his, for that matter- has ever been normal.

"Thanks," she says quietly.

He nods, then tips his head backward to look up at the stars. His arms are stretched back, palms on the porch. He looks more relaxed than he has since he first showed up, until she sees how tightly he's clenching his jaw.

"I know you're dying to know what happened," he tells her.

She starts. "Jonathan-"

"Don't deny it," he says, one corner of his mouth lifting in something almost like a smile. "I know you. You always have to know everything."

Lizzie nudges his shoulder with hers, scoffing at the remark. "Well, okay, maybe I do," she admits, and he laughs. "What? I just want to help you, Jonathan. That's why I want to know, not because I'm just nosy or-"

"I know, Lizzie," he interrupts. She stops talking, just looking at him. He turns his head and meets her eyes. "I know," he says again, more quietly this time.

They don't say anything for awhile after that. Lizzie briefly considers suggesting that they go inside, but it feels almost peaceful, and she's not cold thanks to Jonathan's coat and body heat.

"I'll tell you everything," Jonathan abruptly promises, staring at the stars as he says it. "Sometime. Just not now, okay?"

She sighs, but knows that that's all she'll get out of him tonight. "Okay."

* * *

Sometime turns out to be two weeks later. Another night, this one spent at the kitchen table, sitting across from Jonathan and watching him down three bottles of beer. He stares at the bottles between drinks, eyes dark and distant.

"Are you going to tell me what happened now?" she prods him.

"Lizzie…"

"Jonathan, _you left Tammy_. You need to talk about it to _someone_, and I need to know what's going on so that I'll know how long you'll be staying. So, tell me."

He's silent for awhile, and she's about to try again when he mutters, "I didn't leave her."

Surprised, she blurts out, "You didn't? So she left you?"

"It was mutual." He sighs, then rubs his hand over his chin-length hair, gripping the ends of it.

"What happened? Did she cheat on you or something?" She doubts it, but it's the first idea that comes to mind. She wonders what that says about her.

His eyes narrow. "Tammy wouldn't do that," he snaps.

"I didn't think she would, but that's more likely than you cheating on her," she points out.

Jonathan laughs flatly. "So says the mother of my child."

Lizzie rolls her eyes. "Oh, please. That wasn't cheating- she'd dumped you, remember? And besides, that was two years ago. Everything's completely different now." She reaches across the table but stops just short of touching his hand. She's not sure if he'll accept it. "I know how much you love her, Jonathan. I've seen it so many times. You spent a year thinking she was _dead_. You're not stupid- you wouldn't ruin your second chance with her by cheating on her."

Jonathan goes quiet again, then seems to reach a sudden resolution. He leans forward, speaks intensely, like now that he's decided to talk he's going to let it all out. "You're right. I didn't cheat on her. I wouldn't. We didn't split up because of anything that happened after I got her back- it was because of what happened before."

She stares at him. "Please don't tell me you guys split up because you and I almost got married again. I mean, seriously, you running down the aisle towards her and me dancing around with Sarah and offering my bouquet to anyone who wanted it should've made it pretty clear that we weren't going to live happily ever after."

He snorts. "No, she knew it wasn't like that. But… think about it, Lizzie. She spent a year fighting to get better so that she could get back to Springfield. To me. And what did I do? I hooked up with Aubrey, and forgave you in, like, two seconds-"

"Well, you sort of had to, for Sarah's sake," she points out. "I mean, I _am_ her mother."

"I could've kept her hidden. I wanted to. But I thought Tammy would want me to tell you the truth." He laughs bitterly. "How's that for irony?"

"Jonathan…"

He abruptly rushes to his feet, like he can't stay still any longer. "She was Alan's prisoner for a _year_," He slams his palms onto the table, as if for dramatic emphasis, and leans toward her. "and I was on the run with Sarah, and we both changed so much, and everything's so different now, and- I just can't help thinking that if I hadn't- if-" He chokes up. She's seen enough of these mood swings to know that any second now he'll be in tears.

She quickly stands up and puts her hands on top of his. With him leaning forward, they're nearly at eye level. "Stop it, Jonathan!" she says sternly. "It's _not_ your fault. Blame me, and blame Alan, but not yourself, all right?"

He shakes his head, staring down at the table. "I can't even hate you, Lizzie. I should have. I should have been able to do that for her. Why…"

"I don't know, Jonathan." She sighs. His words were nothing new. She's wondered the same thing herself. "Maybe for Sarah's sake. I couldn't hate you, either, even though you took her from me. Once I would have destroyed you because of that, but… I don't know. Maybe having her made us grow up more than we thought."

"Maybe," he mutters. "And we've always been so good at hating people."

"I'm glad it's different," she says softly. "I don't want to hate you, Jonathan."

Jonathan looks up then, and surprises her when he touches her cheek. He doesn't say a word, but she knows that no matter what happened with Tammy, he agrees.

* * *

The next morning, Jonathan joins Lizzie and Sarah for breakfast. He just watches them interact for awhile, sitting quietly, and it wasn't until Lizzie gives up on conversation and stops sneaking glances at him that he speaks up.

"I was thinking," he says, sitting forward. "I'm going to be staying in Springfield, so if you're okay with it, I might as well stay here permanently. We get along all right, when we're not plotting against each other, and it'll be easier on Sarah if she doesn't have to switch from one house to the other. I have a job at Lewis now, so I can pay rent, and we could probably move into a bigger house if you want-"

"I just finished fixing this place up, Jonathan," she remarks. "I'm _not_ moving."

"I just thought I'd suggest it," he says teasingly, holding up his hands in defense. "I'd better not hear you whining to me because you feel like I'm always there every time you turn around-"

"Oh, I won't whine to you," she assures him with a cool smile. "I'll just kick you out."

He laughs. "Did you hear that?" he asks Sarah, leaning over to her seat. She beams at him. "You wouldn't let Mommy kick me out, would you?"

She giggles. "Yes."

"Yes?" he growls playfully, and tickles her, making her shriek with laughter. "It's a good thing I'm staying here, if this is what you're learning from your mommy!"

Lizzie has to grin. "Oh, I don't know, she seems pretty smart to me."

"Ha, ha," he retorts sarcastically. Laughing, she pitches the remaining half of her croissant at him, and he promptly catches it and puts it in his mouth.

"_Jonathan!_"

"Hey, you started it," he tells her. "Shouldn't have thrown it if you wanted it."

She makes a face at him, but Sarah's laughter and Jonathan's grin are so infectious that she has to join in. If this is what living with him will be like, she reflects, then it won't be so bad after all.


	3. Part Two

_Author's Note: Sorry this has taken so long! Originally I'd written most of this from Jonathan's point of view, so I had to go back and write Lizzie's take on the entire thing, and my muse is fickle at best. Also, there's the part where this installment is almost thirteen pages long in Word. Yikes. Good news is that I've got a lot of scattered scenes written for part four, bad news is that while I'm going to try to have it up before New Year's, I'm afraid to make any promises. More good news is that I really want to do a companion piece for this story called _And Ignite Your Bones_, which would be this time period from Jonathan's point of view, though not all the exact same events. (The first part of his would show what went down between him and Tammy, etc). I've got some of that written as well._

_I hope you enjoy this, and I'm sorry it took me so long to post it. Happy Holidays!_

_Disclaimer: Still don't own anything relating to GL, still don't own Eisley lyrics, still don't want to be sued._

_

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Part Two: I've Taken Things I Had For Granted

_June 2009_

Lizzie has been friends with Remy for about two years now, and though there's definitely a mutual attraction there they've never acted on it. After all, they became friends while they were still mourning Tammy and Jonathan, and while Lizzie's downward spiral could have easily extended to a one-night stand, his could not. Since then they'd been caught up in very different problems and had been involved with different people, but they still kept tabs on each other.

Then she starts to see him around town more often. They call each other just to talk, and constantly exchange e-mails and texts. Her heart beats a little faster when he smiles at her, and he seems to draw out their encounters more and more.

One day, three months after Jonathan's arrival, Lizzie bumps into Remy at Company. They trade greetings, he inquires after Sarah, she asks how his return to the police force is going.

Just as she's about to say good-bye, he catches her arm. "Hey Lizzie, I was wondering…"

Her heart is definitely racing. "Yes?" she asks hopefully.

"Do you have any plans for Friday?" he asks in a rush. "If you don't, I thought maybe we could go get dinner together or something."

She can't stop herself from beaming. Forget playing hard-to-get. She's been hoping for this for weeks now. "That sounds great," she says.

"Yeah?" Looking relieved, he smiles back. "Pick you up at seven?"

"I'll see you then," she agrees.

* * *

She's in a great mood the rest of the week, and downright giddy whenever she thinks of Remy, which happens constantly.

Jonathan's the first to pick up on it. "What's up with you?" he asks while they're waiting for their order at Company. He double-checks Sarah's bib to make sure it's tied tight enough- they've done enough laundry recently, thanks- then looks inquisitively at Lizzie. "You keep staring off into space with this really weird grin on your face. It's kind of freaking me out."

She swats him with a menu, waits until he's done laughing to reply. "Like I'm going to tell you now."

"Did something happen at work? Come on, Lizzie, you have to give me _something_."

"It's not work," she says airily.

"Well?"

She sighs. As fun as it would be to keep Jonathan guessing, there's no way she can keep quiet much longer. Not that she's going to give him all the details- the longer she can go without mentioning Remy's name, the better. "Fine," she says, pretending reluctance. "I've got a date on Friday."

"Is that all?"

"What do you mean, is that all?"

He laughs. "Lizzie, this isn't exactly new. You've gone out with a bunch of guys, and every time you come home with a whole list of why it was such a big mistake and why they're all wrong for you and blah blah blah."

"A bunch?" she repeats indignantly. "Try, like, two." He gives her a disbelieving look. "Well, okay, maybe more like four or five. Whatever. This time will be different."

"Whatever you say," he says, and their food arrives before she can decide if she wants to pursue the point or not.

Reva and Billy are more encouraging. Reva's attitude isn't such a surprise, since she never wanted Lizzie with Bill to begin with, but Billy had been the biggest supporter of their relationship. She points out as much to him, and he smiles sadly.

"I'm _your_ biggest supporter," he tells her. "If you're happy, then I'm happy too."

Lizzie's still not sure if she'll ever get used to his unconditional love for her, but she's not about to argue.

Reva, as always, is more wary. "What about Ava?" she points out when Lizzie tells her who she's going to be dating.

Lizzie shakes her head. "He and Ava split up before Bill and I did. Trust me, she won't be a problem."

"All right," she says doubtfully. "If you're sure. There's enough bad blood between you two already."

The last person to weigh in, oddly enough, is Bill.

* * *

They run into each other at the grocery store the day before her date. Lizzie can't just ignore him, especially since they still work together, so when their eyes meet she goes to him.

"And how are you beautiful ladies doing today?" he asks, tousling Sarah's hair. The toddler smiles prettily at him- no surprise there. She'd always been attached to Bill.

"We're doing just fine," Lizzie replies brightly. "What about you?"

"Oh, I'm all right, just stocking up on some last-minute supplies for the family dinner tonight."

"Oh, fun," she says, and tries not to think that six months ago she would have been shopping with him. "Well, tell everybody I said hi."

"I will," he agrees. That would have been the ideal opportunity for her to leave, but before she can consider it he quickly asks, "What about your family? Jonathan seems to be settling in."

"He is, yeah," she says, shoulders stiffening. Jonathan has always been the topic most likely to spark an argument between them, and old habits die hard.

"Glad to hear it," Bill says, but the words don't quite ring true. "It must be great for Sarah, having both her parents around."

Lizzie nods. "It is." Then, impulsively, she adds, "You should come see her."

"Me?"

"Yes, you," she confirms with a quick laugh. The more she thinks it over, the better she feels about suggesting it. "I mean, you were a major presence in her life for a year. Tammy visits her. You should, too."

"She does? That must be interesting."

She can't help but make a face. Tammy and Jonathan are surprisingly tactful about the breakup, given how spectacularly dramatic past splits always were, but awkward doesn't even begin to describe the atmosphere when those two cross paths unexpectedly. "Well, she usually calls ahead first."

"I'll do the same, then."

"As long as you can stand seeing me," she says, striving for lightness and failing.

"Lizzie," he says softly, "of course I want to see you. We're friends, aren't we?"

She's surprised to realize that it's true. "Yeah, we are," she admits.

He smiles. "So I might as well press my luck- what about this weekend?"

"Well, um, not Friday, because I have a date-"

"Oh yeah?" he asks, too quickly. She knows that he's dated other people, but she can't blame him for the reaction. "Who with, Jonathan?"

"No!" she says, surprised, and laughs. "Remy."

Bill does a double-take. "Remy? As in Remy Boudreau?"

"What's wrong with him?" she asks defensively.

"Nothing, I guess," he says, laughing quickly. "It's just- are you sure he can keep up with you?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" she snaps.

"Think about it, Lizzie. Out of everybody in Springfield, Jonathan and I are the only ones who can really, I don't know, be your equal. To be honest, I've just been waiting to hear that you two are together."

She just stares at him. "Well, you know what they say about assume."

"Look, I didn't mean to offend you. I just-"

"I get it," she interrupts. Now is not the time or place for this discussion, especially with Sarah as their captive audience. "It's fine. Whatever."

"Lizzie-" he cajoles.

"It's fine, Bill. I'll call you so we can figure out when you should visit, okay?"

He's obviously reluctant, but says, "All right. Have a good time with Remy."

"I plan to," she says serenely, and strolls away once Bill says farewell to a now-restless Sarah.

Bill's assumption about Jonathan wasn't really a surprise- even when they were dating, he'd always obviously seen Jonathan as a threat to their relationship. But after their conversation, she has to wonder who else sees things Bill's way.

"Oh, well," she mutters. "As long as Remy doesn't we'll be fine." Then she remembers all over again how much Remy and Jonathan dislike each other and groans. "Of course it won't be fine. This is Jonathan we're talking about."

* * *

Almost before she knows it, it's Friday evening and Lizzie is taking one last look at her reflection. She gives herself a quick, undeniably nervous smile, then looks over at Roxy, who is sitting on the bed.

"What do you think, sweetie?" Lizzie asks. "Will Remy like it?" He'd suggested dinner at Towers, so Lizzie had on a little black dress she'd bought three weeks ago, black strappy sandals, and gold earrings.

Roxy tilts her head, and her owner sighs and crouches down in front of her, lightly stroking her fur. "I hope so, too," she says, then straightens up and claps her hands. "Come on. You're going to keep Jonathan and Sarah company while I'm on my date, right?" Roxy hops down from the bed and heads out the door, having clearly understood Lizzie's remark. Her owner laughs and follows.

Jonathan is sitting in front of the TV, Sarah on his lap. Both appear to be engrossed in the children's video that's currently playing.

"Jonathan."

He looks over his shoulder, expression startled. "What?"

"I need your professional opinion," she tells him.

"No, you do not need to lose five pounds," he says immediately.

She laughs. "Okay, that's a good start," she comments, walking over to him and doing a slow twirl, arms held out. "Seriously, how do I look?"

His eyes carelessly flick up and down, taking her in. Then he shrugs. "You look fine, I guess."

"Jonathan! Come on, I mean it!"

"Seriously, Lizzie, you look good," he says, laughing. "Calm down. What's the big deal, anyway?"

He is so lucky that she hasn't killed him in his sleep yet. "What's the big deal?" she repeats, eyes narrowing. "I have a date, remember? Remy's taking me to Towers."

"Wait a minute." Jonathan picks Sarah up and sets her in the armchair, then stands up and walks over to Lizzie, pulling her towards the doorway so that Sarah can't overhear them. Even though her heels are ridiculously high, she still has to tilt her head back to meet his eyes, which as always drives her nuts. "Remy? As in-"

"The guy who used to be in love with Tammy?" she asks, resigned. She had been so tempted to just sneak out the front door and keep putting this off, but that wouldn't be fair to Remy or to Jonathan. Better to have it out now and be done with it. "Yes."

"_Why_? I mean, okay, so you fell for Bill's act. But he's good, even I have to admit that, so I get it. But _Remy_? He's-"

"You want to know what Remy is, Jonathan?" she snaps. "He's a good guy, Jonathan. He's a good guy, and he likes me and I like him, and we're going on a date, and maybe he'll ask me out again, I don't know. I'm sorry if you don't approve, but you're just going to have to deal with it."

He shook his head. "You could do better."

"He's not-" she begins, but is interrupted by the doorbell.

"Speak of the devil," Jonathan grumbles.

She looks sharply at him. "Be nice."

"Why wouldn't I be," he mutters.

Lizzie rolls her eyes and goes to the door. By the time she opens it, she's traded her annoyed expression for a bright smile. God knows she's had enough practice. "Hi," she says. He's wearing slacks and a dress shirt, and looks amazing.

"Hey," he says softly. "Wow, Lizzie, you look-" He trails off, shakes his head like he can't even find the words.

Her smile widens. "You, too."

But Jonathan has never been one to stay out of the spotlight for long, so it really doesn't surprise her when he walks up behind her. While it's the doorway he leans against, he's so close to her that she can feel his body heat. "So what time are you going to come home?" he asks.

She narrows her eyes at him, unimpressed by the innocent aura he's attempting to radiate. He's not going to go along with this, not even if he knows it'll make her happy. Something is definitely up.

"Well it's really up to Lizzie," Remy says, and she remembers to redirect her attention to him. "Do you have to be back at a certain time to tuck Sarah in, or-"

Lizzie smiles. None of the other guys she's dated since her breakup with Bill have thought to ask anything like that. "I think Jonathan can handle it this once," she says, stepping pointedly on Jonathan's foot just before giving him her sweetest, fakest smile. "Can't you, Jonathan?"

Jonathan's returning smile shows plenty of teeth. "Well, she does have trouble sleeping when you're not here."

"No, Jonathan, that's what happens when _you're_ not here," she says impatiently. "She'll be fine. I wouldn't say that if I wasn't sure, and you know that."

"Okay, okay, chill out," he says with a quick, forced laugh. "Go. Have a good time. Stay out as late as you want. Just don't be too loud when you get back. I don't want you waking _me_ up either."

"That probably won't be a problem, since we should be back by like, what, ten?" Remy looks to Lizzie for confirmation, and after thinking it over she nods. That's plenty of time for dinner and spending time together afterwards. "You don't exactly strike me as the type to go to bed early."

"You never know," Jonathan says, but Lizzie knows it's just to be difficult. He's always still awake when she goes to bed. She rolls her eyes. She can hate people without acting like a petulant five-year-old whenever she's near them. Why can't he?

Beyond tired of dealing with him, she goes over to Sarah, kneeling down in front of the chair. "I'm going to dinner with Remy," she says, catching her daughter's attention. "You remember him, right?" She points to him, and Sarah peeks just long enough for Remy to smile before she shyly twists away. Lizzie hugs her. "So I'll see you in the morning, all right? Be good for Daddy, and eat all your vegetables." Sarah makes a face, and Lizzie laughs and hugs her again. "I love you."

"Love you," Sarah echoes, her little arms tight around Lizzie's neck. All at once Lizzie remembers the dark days she'd spent thinking Sarah was dead, and can't help clutching her daughter to her for a moment. She's still not sure how she survived that year. She probably wouldn't have without Billy, but even with his support it had been a close call.

She forces herself to let go and kisses Sarah's forehead, holding back a sob. "I love you," she whispers again, then goes back over to the men. They both appear unharmed, and she hadn't even heard a word when she was speaking to Sarah. Maybe there's hope for Jonathan yet.

"Make sure she gets to bed on time, and don't-" she tells Jonathan.

"I know," he interrupts. "Trust me, whatever you're about to say, I already know. You kids have fun."

"That's the plan," Remy says. He puts his arm around Lizzie's shoulders as they walk out to the car, and she has to force herself not to look back to see Jonathan's reaction.

* * *

Remy's a total gentleman on their date- pulling out her chair, opening doors for her, the whole nine yards. Lizzie makes a mental note to tell Jonathan this during the argument she's sure will take place when she gets home.

Making conversation is easy enough. They've known each other for years, and he's easy to talk to. The only difference tonight is that there are more extra glances and pauses than usual.

Lizzie would have been fine if they'd had their first date someplace more casual, but Remy had suggested Towers and she knew he wanted to impress her. Maybe because she's a Spaulding, maybe because the last guy she dated is rich enough to have his own _jet_ for crying out loud. She doesn't need fancy dates and grand gestures, of course, but she's not going to complain about getting a chance to dress up and eat good food.

"So, Jonathan didn't seem too happy there," Remy comments while they wait for their meals.

Lizzie grimaces. "It's my fault. I didn't feel like listening to him try to talk me out of seeing you, so I didn't tell him about our date until right before you showed up. I'm sorry."

"Believe me, I get it. It's just- are you sure you two aren't…?"

"Why do people keep asking me that?" Some of her frustration spills over in spite of herself. "Jonathan and I live together, and we have a daughter together, and we're friends, but that's it. We both know better than to let anything else happen." She smiles at him. "Besides, there's this really great guy I'm interested in."

"Oh really?" He smiles back. "Anyone I know."

"Maybe," she says coyly. He's just about to reach for her hand when the waiter shows up with their food.

Disappointment flashes through her, but she'd become an expert at shrugging that particular emotion aside long ago. _Time for that later_, she thinks, and starts eating.

* * *

"Remy!"

Lizzie and Remy halt and turn around, waiting for Marina Cooper to catch up. She's with two other men who Lizzie vaguely recognizes as being police officers, though she's never met them personally. She's momentarily surprised that Mallet is not with them, then remembers hearing about a month ago that he and Marina are getting divorced.

"Hey, Remy," the redhead says brightly. "Lizzie." Her tone is notably less enthusiastic at the second greeting.

Lizzie tries not to roll her eyes. She and Marina have learned to get along better during the last few years, but they'll never really be friends. That doesn't bother her- much. "Hi, Marina."

The guys all exchange greetings as well. Remy's smiling, but his hold on Lizzie's hand is a little too tight for comfort. "What's up?" he asks Marina.

"We're going to see that new Matt Damon movie," says the dark-haired man Marina's with. The other, who's shorter and blond, nods. "Want to come with?"

Remy glances at Lizzie. "I don't know," he begins.

"Oh, come on," Marina cajoles. "You were telling me yesterday that you wanted to see it, remember? I bet Lizzie won't mind, will you, Lizzie?"

Lizzie knows she's hoping that Lizzie will protest and look difficult and high-maintenance in the process. And, well, Lizzie can definitely be both of those things, and she has no real desire to see the movie or to spend any time with Marina. But Remy wants to see it, and he had gone to Towers because he thought it would make her happy. Besides, she should learn to get along with Remy's friends now, in case they do start dating regularly. Now is as good a time as any to start.

"It sounds like fun," she says, and her smile widens when Marina does a double-take. "I'll pay for the popcorn."

"Only if I pay for your ticket," Remy returns.

"Deal," she agrees, then turns her smile on the other cops. "I'm sorry for being so rude. I'm Lizzie Spaulding, and you are?"

The group falls into step, making introductions and small talk on their way to the movie theater. Lizzie keeps an eye on Marina all the while, wondering what she's up to.

* * *

Spending time with Remy's friends turns out to be surprisingly fun. After the movie they all stand around outside, debating what to do next.

"We could go for drinks at Outskirts," suggests Trevor, the dark-haired cop.

"We could-" Lizzie takes out her cell phone to make sure she hasn't missed any calls, then gasps when she sees that it's almost midnight. "Oh my god, Remy." She holds it out to him so that he can see, too.

"We should get going," he immediately tells the others.

"This early?" asks Charlie.

Lizzie laughs a bit. "Actually, this _late_. I have a daughter, and I-"

"That'll be you in a few months," Marina teases Trevor.

"Really?" Lizzie asks, and when he nods she adds, "Congratulations!"

"Thanks," he says with a proud grin. "Got any parenting advice for me?"

Jonathan, she immediately thinks, would have plenty. She sometimes wonders if she'll ever know as much as he does, or if missing out on Sarah's infancy means that she'll always be a step behind.

"Just remember that there's nothing more important than your children," she says quietly. "Nothing at all."

Remy squeezes her hand reassuringly. Trevor is clearly unsure how to respond to that. "I don't suppose you have any hand-me-downs you could pass along?" he jokes, and the light response startles her into laughter.

"It was great meeting you both," Lizzie tells him and Charlie.

"You, too," Charlie says, and Trevor nods.

"See you at home," Remy tells Marina. She smiles faintly, then looks at Lizzie. She doesn't seem defensive or annoyed by her presence now. She just looks tired.

Remy and Lizzie head back to where he parked their car. "I'm sorry about that," he says abruptly. "I should've been keeping track of what time it was-"

"Remy, it's all right," she interrupts. "I had a good time, and it's not the end of the world if I'm out this late. Jonathan can handle it. Besides," She smiles up at him, "this way I got to spend more time with you."

"That's a good point," he teases. "You have to make sure you get enough time in my presence. We don't want you going into withdrawal later."

"You're just so considerate," she returns, laughing.

"I know," he agrees

* * *

Ten minutes later Lizzie's standing in front of the townhouse, and Remy has just shut her car door behind her.

"I had a really good time," she tells him again. She'd been comfortable around him all evening, but now that it's the end of the date, she's getting nervous.

"Me, too," Remy agrees, looking pretty serious himself. "Lizzie-"

Then the townhouse door swings open, and Jonathan's standing there, hair rumpled as if he'd just woken up. He's outlined by the light from inside, and between his facial expression and his posture she can tell that he's upset.

"Do you want me to talk to him?" Remy asks.

She shakes her head. "Don't worry about it. It's not like he hasn't freaked out over nothing before."

"If you're sure," he says doubtfully.

"I am, but thank you." She leans up and kisses his cheek. "Thanks for tonight, Remy."

He smiles. "I'll call you."

"You'd better."

He squeezes her hand, then glowers at Jonathan before letting go and getting into the car. Lizzie steels herself, then trudges up the steps. Jonathan just stares at her, arms folded tight over his chest.

"Where the hell have you been?" he snarls before she's even at the top step.

She looks at him, eyebrows lifting. "On a date," she says slowly.

"Don't," he warns her. "Do you even know what _time_ it is? It's past midnight! You were supposed to be here by ten!"

"So I guessed wrong," she says with a shrug. "It's not a big deal, Jonathan." She heads for the door, but he grabs her arm and yanks her back.

"Let go of me!" she demands. She's never been one to put up with his habit of manhandling people, and she's not about to start now.

"Don't go anywhere when I'm talking to you!"

"You're not _talking_ to me, you're just being a jerk and blowing this whole thing way out of proportion," she informs him, and pulls her arm free herself. "If I have to listen to this, I at least want to do it somewhere warm." She pushes past him without waiting for a response, and this time he follows her inside rather than attempting to protest again.

Once the door's shut behind them, though, he gets started again. "What kind of dinner did you have that took you five hours to eat?"

She rolls her eyes. Her heels are starting to kill her feet, but she doesn't want to be any smaller than she has to be right now. She's put up with worse pain for longer, anyway. "Jonathan, my date with Remy is none of your business."

"It is when I'm the one left here with Sarah! What am I supposed to tell her if she wants you and you're out with some-"

"Don't," she snaps, rounding on him. "Don't bring Sarah into this."

"She's _already_ in this. She's your kid! Your love life affects her, too."

Like he needs to tell her _that_. She huffs in annoyance. "If I tell you, will you leave me alone?" He just glowers, and she throws up her arms. "Fine! We ate dinner, then we ran into a few of Remy's friends from the force and we all ended up going to see a movie together."

"So Remy asked you out, and you ended up spending your date with Marina Cooper? Shouldn't that tell you something?"

"No, because I was the one who told Remy I wanted to go!" she informs him. "I thought it would be fun, and I was right! Tonight was great until you had to ruin everything!"

"Sarah needs-" he begins.

She is so done with hearing him say anything on the subject. "Sarah _needs_ you to grow up! I need to have a social life, Jonathan! I love Sarah, I do, but she can't be my whole life. That's not good for either of us."

"Yeah, okay, so you need to date," he says with a grimace. "You should find some- some _guy_ to be with. Whatever. But _Remy_?"

"Why not?! He's nice, and he's loyal, and he's been a good friend to me and I'm sure he'd be good with Sarah-"

"Yeah, that's all great- if you're talking about buying a _dog_. Come on, Lizzie, you can't tell me he makes you feel like-"

"Like what, Jonathan?" she demands.

For a few seconds he doesn't answer at all, just stands there, his eyes searching her face. Her breath catches in her throat as she realizes exactly how close to him she's standing, and she realizes a second too late what's going to happen next.

Jonathan kisses her.

No, phrasing it like that makes it sound too simple, too _rational_. Nothing about the way he has her hips in a viselike grip, brands her mouth with his, is even remotely sane.

There are a million different reasons that this is a bad idea, but Lizzie blocks them all out and kisses him back without second-guessing herself for even a second. She wraps her arms around his neck, tangles a hand in his hair. She's never been happier that he decided to grow it out again.

He walks her back until she's leaning against the back of the couch, never breaking their feverish kisses. Her head spinning, Lizzie grips his T-shirt, hoping he'll take the hint and pull it off. His hands are at the back of her dress, seeking out her zipper.

It's strange- Lizzie has always spent so much time thinking about Jonathan; cooking up schemes with or against him, debating or compromising, working out living arrangements and then making them work. She has to outsmart him or impress him or help him by turns. But the handful of times that they've kissed- really kissed- her mind goes completely blank.

She's just about to help him unfasten her dress when Jonathan pulls away, taking several steps back. Lizzie begins to reach for him, but then her brain starts working again and she quickly jerks her hand back. They stare at each other, both breathing raggedly.

Lizzie has never been a fan of silence, especially not during the aftermath of huge events. This definitely qualifies. She's broken so many of the rules she'd set for herself when he moved in.

"I- I should-" she stammers, quickly pushing away from the couch. If she stumbles a little on the way to the stairs, Jonathan doesn't comment. "It's late, and- work-"

He nods quickly. "Uh, right, right. Uh… 'night."

She smiles weakly, then, abandoning any pretense of dignity, flees upstairs. She isn't about to risk her brain going on another hiatus and letting anything like- well, _that_- happen again.

"He's Jonathan, it's Jonathan, it can't happen," she mutters to herself, shutting her bedroom door firmly behind her. Maybe if she says it enough, she can get back to believing it.


End file.
